Tired of Sleep Schedules That Don’t Work? Here’s What Helped Me

Googling ‘why won’t my baby nap?’ Feeling like every other mum has it figured out except you? I’ve been there.

When I became a mum, I didn’t expect my baby to slot straight into a sleep schedule in those first few weeks. I knew newborns were unpredictable, and I was prepared for some chaos. But after a few weeks, I started longing for a bit more structure—not for her sake, but for mine. I wanted to know when I could book appointments, head out for errands, or simply get a moment to myself.

That’s when I turned to the sleep books and schedules. I was desperate for some sort of framework to make life feel a little more manageable. I followed everything the books suggested, down to the letter. I carefully tracked wake windows, tried the suggested nap times, and did all the things they said would help her sleep longer.

The problem? The schedule said she’d nap for two hours. But she didn’t. Thirty minutes was all she’d do.

I tried harder. Tweaked the routine. Adjusted this and that. But nothing changed, and I started to feel like I was failing. Why couldn’t I get this right?

It wasn’t until I mentioned my struggle to a friend that everything shifted. I explained how my baby would wake after 30 minutes no matter what I tried. Their response caught me off guard: “Is she happy when she wakes up?”

“Yes,” I said, a little confused. She was happy and meeting all of her milestones.

“Then maybe that’s all she needs.”

That simple question changed everything for me. I’d been so focused on what the books said she should be doing that I hadn’t stopped to see what she was doing. Maybe 30 minutes was enough. Maybe her cues were more reliable than any schedule.

I gave away the sleep books. I stopped trying to force her into a routine that didn’t suit her. Instead, I focused on the flow of our day—sleep, eat, play, repeat—and let her lead the way.

The day she hit 6 months old she transitioned herself to two 2 hour naps a day all on her own and I tell you what, I didn’t know myself!

Letting Go of the Schedule

What I’ve learned since then is that sleep schedules can be helpful for some babies, but they’re not the solution for everyone. Babies aren’t robots, and no one-size-fits-all approach will work for every child.

Some babies naturally fall into a predictable rhythm early on, but many don’t. And that’s okay. Forcing a schedule that doesn’t fit your baby’s needs can lead to unnecessary stress for both of you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by schedules that don’t work, here’s what helped me:

Follow Your Baby’s Cues

Babies are excellent at communicating what they need, even if it takes time to learn their language. Yawning, eye rubbing, fussiness, and zoning out are common signs of tiredness. Instead of watching the clock, I started watching her. It made life feel so much simpler.

Focus on the Flow, Not the Clock

Rather than rigidly sticking to specific times, I focused on the order of our day: sleep, eat, play, repeat. This flexible rhythm gave us structure without the pressure of strict timing. It allowed me to plan loosely while still honouring her unique needs. Having a flow like that also really helped me to just focus on the next thing which helped keep my anxiety at bay too.

Release the Pressure to Get It “Right”

It’s so easy to feel like you’re failing when the schedules don’t work. Social media is flooded with pictures of babies peacefully sleeping in their cribs and mums posting about how their routine changed everything. It’s natural to compare yourself and wonder, What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t this working for us? But here’s the thing: every baby is different, and those perfect routines you see online don’t tell the whole story.

I’ve learned that babies don’t come with a manual for a reason—there isn’t just one way to do this. The idea of a “perfect schedule” can create unrealistic expectations that make you feel like you’re constantly falling short. But your baby isn’t a clock; they’re a person with their own rhythms, needs, and quirks.

It’s okay if your baby doesn’t nap at the same time every day. It’s okay if their sleep doesn’t look like what the books say it should. You’re not failing because the schedule doesn’t work. You’re succeeding every time you show up for your baby, meet their needs, and adjust to what works best for your family.

So, if the books and schedules are making you feel worse instead of better, it’s okay to let them go. Your baby won’t know the difference—but they will know that they’re loved and cared for by a mum who’s doing her absolute best.

Every baby is different. Some will nap for hours, while others, like mine, are content with shorter stretches. Neither is wrong. It’s just about finding what works for your baby and your family. 

Gentle Guidance for Finding Your Rhythm

If you’re navigating the unpredictable world of baby sleep, here are some gentle ways to create a rhythm that works for you:

1. Start with Patterns, Not Perfection
   Sleep, eat, play, repeat. Focus on the order rather than specific times. This approach helps you stay flexible while still creating some predictability in your day.

2. Celebrate the Small Wins
   Did your baby nap for 30 minutes? Great. Did they wake happy? Even better. (By ‘happy’ I mean after they’ve fed of course!) Celebrate those moments instead of focusing on what the books say they should be doing. When my baby woke after 30 minutes but smiled at me when I picked her up, I decided to focus on that smile rather than the short nap.

3. Adjust as They Grow
   Babies change so quickly, and what works one week might not work the next. Stay open to tweaking your approach as their needs evolve.

4. Trust Yourself and Your Baby
   No one knows your baby better than you do. Trust your instincts, listen to their cues, and remember that your way of doing things is just as valid as anyone else’s. You’re not failing—your baby is simply unique, just like every other baby out there. It might take time to quiet the noise of outside advice and really hear your instincts, but with each day, you’ll grow more confident in understanding your baby’s unique needs.

5. Be Kind to Yourself
   Sleep struggles can leave you feeling depleted and frustrated, but it’s not a reflection of your abilities as a mum. You’re showing up, trying your best, and loving your baby—and that’s what matters most.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

Sleep struggles can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re running on empty. If you’re finding it hard to cope or feel like the exhaustion is impacting your mental health, here are some gentle ways to cope with sleep deprivation. 

Please know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s reaching out to a trusted friend, talking to a GP, or consulting a sleep professional, seeking support is a sign of strength—not weakness.

There’s no shame in needing a little extra help. Sometimes, just having someone listen or offer a fresh perspective can make all the difference. You don’t have to navigate this on your own.

You’re Doing Enough

If I could go back and reassure myself in those exhausting, doubt-filled days, I’d say this:

You don’t need a perfect schedule. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to tune into your baby and trust yourself.

You’re doing better than you think—and your baby already knows they have the perfect mum. 💛

With love,

Bel x